Archive for February, 2008

Feb is a bad month

February 21, 2008

About 6 years ago i went to a local mall and got my cartilage pierced. It was a quick procedure, done with a small gun and cost about $15. However, i did not pay that. After the girl that plunged a hold in my ear told me that i was done and i can get off the stool, I remember walking faintly to the register. I did not make it. I felt my brain trying to escape my skull and i had to catch it before it does so. i turned around and stumbled to exit the store.

After this, it was all pretty black.

i don’t remember actually leaving the shop. i don’t remember blacking out. I didn’t feel a thing when i hit the tile floor or cranked my head and nose on the wall, or how i managed to sit up. All i remembered was a bright white flash that ran across by face, then a pool of blood that surrounded me. I don’t know how long i was out for or how long i’ve been sitting there. By the time i was up, my friend Nino was right next to me. He was getting his ear pierced too and was behind me the entire time. He saw me get pierced, attempted to make it to the register, and exited the store. He however, did not realized what was happening, and by the time he did…it was too late. To his defense, i didnt either. i dont blame him for anything. The only person i do blame, is myself.

Sitting on that hard floor all i did was get mad. get mad and spat blood. I didn’t care for the people that were walking by me, shocked at all the gore that was on the floor. All i did was shook my head, spat out more blood. It must of been at least 30 minuted before the paramedics came and hauled me off in stretcher. it was kinda interesting…i went through the secret back way of the mall (thru Macy), through an secret elevator, and rode on an ambulance. I think by now the pain was starting to hit, and definitely the shock. The whole time i was at the hospital was a dreadful blur.

I remember being in the ER, still upset at my predicament. I remember getting Novocaine injections, i hated them. The sound of those long sharp needles ripping through my skin makes me cringe. But what i hated more was that fact that i can no longer recognized my face. My bottom jaw had split in two and had been complete dislocated from its joints. My teeth, top and bottom, were smashed. They jutted every which way and cranked all over. Lastly, i also broke my nose and forehead. I think it took a couple of days to prep for my surgery. at that time, the only thing i remember doing was waiting. Waiting for all of it to be over.

Finally the day of my surgery. The method they make you do of counting backwards from ten was great. When i woke up it was finished. I started to get carted away when a cold chill hit me. I shook so hard i was about to fall off the gurney. The nurses began to surround me with pillows and blankets but that did little. i wanted to scream and cry so loud but i couldn’t. My head was warp up in bandages, preventing the stitches to rip open, and my jaw was wired shut. all i could do was make a low moaning sound to relieve this tension that wont let go of my body. i passed out again. It was about 2 months before i would come to.

At this time, i was able to out in public. The swelling had subside and i began to look normal again. Bare in mind i still had wires clamped shut on my jaws and i weighed a strapping 90lbs, i still looked ok. I was tired laying around at home annoyed at every other commercials and tv programs that come up showing food and people having fun. i was ready to go back to school again, see my friends, and enjoy a bit of life i use to had. Sure it was hard trying to talked to people, the actual mechanics of my talking was impossible of course, but on top of that, having to explain to everyone why i was in this situation. Concerts and hanging out at a restaurants was out of the questions, but who cared, i was at least moving around. I can be happy for that alone. It took a couple more months for me to open my month again, and few more to start eating solid foods. but i guess like any injuries, my jaw and teeth was never the same.

fast forward 3 years. I’m living a pretty normal life, doing everything i would be pretty much doing if i didn’t have that accident. Yeah i get paranoid when i fall sometimes, thinking that i might shatter my jaw again, and hear clicking with i chew. I still get pain from simple activities like talking and still cant bite into a crispy apple. but it’s ok. i can over look those things. But one morning, i woke up with pain around my left nostril. I noticed a slight swelling but dismissed it for a bug bite or something random. This continued for a few days and i was starting to lose feeling to the left side of my face. I began to get nauseous and weak and knew now that it was something more serious. I started doing research on my symptoms and found that it was probably due to a tooth abscess. What sold me on it was the line “Teeth Abscess may be cause by an infection of a damage tooth due to trauma”. the injuries i sustained when i broke my jaw lead me to another medical ordeal. I immediately saw a dentist who suggested i get a root canal and crown. since that day, i had a fake tooth. Most people dont notice it, but i do, but that was ok.

Now i wish the story would end there, and until a few day ago, it did. Recently, i started to notice pain and swelling coming from relatively the same area as the earlier incident. Knowing rite away that this was an abscess i went to see a dentist. I was hoping that all that was require would be drainage of the pus, and i would be ok. i was wrong. this diagnosis was much worst. The root canal that i earlier did to clear the abscess and save the tooth, failed. The infection escaped and ate away at my bone. It’s now trying to attack another tooth. I need to get an extraction, and a bridge. It seems this constant cycle of wars between me, my ego, my health, the fates, the germs, will never end. i’m so tired. i hate having to be afraid for my future. it’s already unsure as it is. i hope this is the last of this issue. but somehow, i feel that it will not be.



February 14, 2008

On this day of joyful celebration (my first), i want to tell my beloved girlfriend that i love her very much. i am so excited that we are about to take another big step forward into our relationship. i cant imagine a better person to do it with. Love you babe.

wtf is that guy doing

February 13, 2008

there this guy.
he stands at the corner down the block from my apartment.
since i live on the 2nd floor, i can see him.
but what’s worst…i can hear him.
All The Time.
he chants.
walks in circle.
screams at cars.
bangs a sign.
nite after nite.
it’s late.
i need sleep.
i am not a morning person.
this will surely not help.
he needs to stop.


another idea

February 11, 2008

Here’s a simple idea for all the studios, networks, producers, and writers that just saw the strike ended. why not release all you work free…online? Now now before you all get your panties in a bunch consider this, google, yahoo, myspace, facebook, youtube, paypal, etc are all free (for the most part) and they are all worth billions. How can they do this? simple…they know that it’s all about quantity. The more people that use their service, the greater they appeal to advertisers. To gain this they 1) must make it free, and if not free, then at least a small membership fee, and 2) post all their products online or thru other ventures. Now when i said “all” i dont just mean all the shows they have currently in production, shows that was on this week, last week, even last season. No i mean ALL their shows. Shit they have in the vault…old school shit…the good shit. I would love to watch Small Wonder or Out of This World again. And when i have kids, I want them to experience Bill Nye the Science Guy and Square One TV. Show like Gillian’s Island and I Love Lucy are classics and I am certain that if networks release these, their demographic will grow and so will their company.

some day

February 7, 2008

sometimes it’s so easy being a cynic. i sit at my computer, detach from the actual world and spend my day thinking about how it can be better, how i can make it better. Yet, i haven’t done any good. sure i’m smart, cautions, i care about littering and manage my consumption. I think about my actions and how it mite affect other, and in all honesty, i’ve played the nice/caring/environmentalist/socialist/libertarian guy part just fine. but that is little to nothing. i want to be saving the world. i can be making my voice heard. but i dont. i sit at my computer, and write this post. a post no one would ever read (love u). my ambition is existential.


here’s a few ideas

February 4, 2008

i still have no idea why these laws are not in effect:

1) Other than what i stated earlier about having votes done on more than one day and/or on a weekend to allowed for higher turn outs, how bout we have runoff voting. for those that don’t know what it is check this out, or for those more visual people…the youtube version. it just makes sense.

2) A tax allocation system base on the citizen not the government. This is somewhat already embedded within our democratic system. We elect our representatives who in turn decides where they want to put our money. There are also ballot and initiatives that citizens directly vote on. But it needs to go further than that, because as it is now, my tax money, is not going into ANYthing i wish. Not into healthcare, not into education, not into innovation. what it is going to…the WAR. fuck that shit. this new system will allow me to specifically tell the government what i want my tax dollars going into. Now im not talking about all of taxes, i know that i’m not the brightest bulb in the bunch and there may be other sectors i have yet to acknowledge…but that is way this system is perfect. there will be others with different priorities and that fine. because they can give their money to whatever case they chose. also, lobbyist now have to deal/bride the entire population, not just the handful of politicians. Furthermore, i’m only suggesting to do this with our income tax…our taxes on sales and exports are still up for grabs. for more info, check this out.

3) Staying on taxes, the cuts that have been issued, and the refunds that are coming to us…you can keep it. dont give me my own money and say it a gift. and done expect me to be spending it either…our country lifeline is not spending…it is innovation. We have been in debt for far too long and i do not see anyway it will change unless we do something different. one simple suggestion would be to take all that money that will be going to every tom, dick, and joe, and the tax cuts for the Donald, Xavier, and Gregory, and put it in a fund. with this fund…you will award people who show their geniuses, their innovations, and passions for the greater good of the world and GIVE THEM MONEY. for example: give the guy who pick up plastic bags on the street and depose of them properly like $5 a pound. Or the company that founded a new way to destroy those bags without using fossil fuel to pollute the atmosphere a contract with the government to do so nationwide. How about a simple plane ticket home for a missionary who’s been building schools in Africa? Or perhaps give a professor a grant for his in dept studying into African conflicts and how to ease them? This and many more things can be accomplishes if we (us and out government) would just think, or at least keep an open mind.


February 1, 2008

i only wished i can. For those who know me, this might sound like a surprise but i do not vote, and have never. in fact, I’m not even register yet (to my disappointment). I’ve made the excuses of “my vote wont matter” and the notorious “the establishment fooled you into believing that you have a voice” argument. and tho i do believe that these assessments holds some trues…in general, i just did not feel motivated to do so. until 3 months ago.

The primary was just about to start and we were in a dawn of a new time. a time for change, but more importantly, a time for progress. Finally, a black man and a woman have a real chance of becoming the next president of these United States. My sense of patriotic duty heighten as we as citizens will finally join the racks of other nation that have fully and wholehearted welcomed equal opportunity for all gender and races. i was, and haven’t been for a very long time, proud to be an American. So i man up, and did my civictorial duty, and registered to vote…or so i thought.

There’s a big push for people to vote, one such movement is the Rock the Vote campaign that generally aims for the younger crowned, letting them know that “this is their country, and they can make a difference”. I bought in, hell i was rite in their target range (18-29). with my web savvy skillz and did all my registration on their site, and upon my completion, i waited for the mailed in portion to finish the process. i waited and waited. i know they said give it 6-10 weeks, so i did. I’ve been listening and reading intensively at the race, it becoming more neck and neck and neck so i thought to myself, “damn, maybe my one vote will count,” i was so please i can not express my gratitude for the democratic process into words.

fast forward a few more weeks and I’m still waiting for the damn mail. Feb 5th is coming and damn i want to vote! damn this all to hell. i give the LA registrar office a call asking if i can be expecting my form and/or ballot and/or finalization papers to come it. “Sorry sir we do not have you in our system” was what they had to said. “excuse me?” i replied. this went on for a few more minutes and it was getting nowhere. i finally asked if i can register now over the phone, or come in person to do this, but apparently, u can not register over that phone (paper only) and coming in person (with all the forms of ID in the world) will still not let me be able to vote on Feb 5th. i tried giving the other voter departments and multiple Rock the Vote offices a call and it was either a) same answer b) wrong number or c) a machine would hang up on me for no reason.

My questions:

why is it so hard to vote? not the kind of hard like 1960, but the kind of hard like scratching your back. It should be automatic, easy, efficient. people have already bled and died for this. and though i will just be consider a lazy ass that knows nothing about real struggle and didn’t get his shit together in time, im still speaking the truth. when it come down to it…i am a citizen, i can prove it, in person, i have a opinions about the candidates and issues that are on the ballot. LET ME VOTE! how screw up is it that it will take 2 months for someone to register over the mail because they have a family they need to take care of? how idiotic is it that with all legitimate and legal documentations proving i am who i say i am, i still cant vote if i presented it to your face on the day the voting take place? and on top of that…why the hell is it that the voting day always falls on a weekday? i have to fucken work retard! yeah it mandates companies to let u have time off, but seriously, do u not see the complications with this. have it on a weekend…shit have it going for more than just one day. why just one day huh? are u afraid a lot of ppl just might show up? same thing with if you were to change the process of registering?

this whole episode has refueled my cynicism for the our government, my worth, and people’s rights. I guess theres always the general.